Failed Reunification. Age 14 Diary Entries

July 10, 1999 Age 14 I can’t believe it.  I’m actually home. This morning when I got up Mitch and Jene had a little talk with me about how all good things must end.  Then they all helped me load my stuff.  They also gave me my mattress, the dolphin sheets, and bedspread.
                When mom and Adam went to Bemidji Leslie and Tammy came over and helped me unpack.  Then we went to Crandles and over to their house to play.

July 11, 1999 Age 14 Today mom and Adam went to church with me.  Can you believe it?  I hope it leaves an impression on them.
                After church we went to Bemidji.  Adam and I walked around the mall from noon to 5:00PM.
                We had sausages from Mitch and Jene for supper.

July 12, 1999 Age 14 I should be in bed so I’ll hurry up. 
                I got up at 7:00AM, ate breakfast and went to my academic enrichment classes.  Then I came home at noon to find Shane and Adam in my room.  I put up some of my posters and then went to work from 3PM to 9PM.  Now I’m going to bed at 10:53PM.

July 13, 1999 Age 14 I went to school today and then worked from 3PM to 9PM.

July 14, 1999 Age 14 Today at school we drew names out of a jar to give out prizes.  I got The Crazy Stack and a giant Hershey bar.
                I went to work from 2PM to 9:PM

July 15, 1999 Age 14 I went to band class at noon today. It is so hot outside.
                I bought a board with writing that hangs on my wall that says” God isn’t finished with me yet.”
                We saw Dr. G today and I told him how I felt about the house being a trash heap.
                Annakin came over and said I did a great job on the living room.

July 16, 1999 Age 14 I spent the whole day today cleaning up the kitchen.  It was horrible. I still have more to do.  Shane helped me put the new wallpaper I bought in.  He’s nice.
                I bought milk, cat litter, garbage bags and foam drain cleaner.
                Mom didn’t come home until 10:30PM.  I feel like I’m the grownup now.  Adam told me he feels the same way.  It’s like mom’s a kid inside.

July 17, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, I got up this morning and went straight to work on the kitchen cupboards.
                I put new wallpaper on the shelves on the right bottom side.  Shane and I did the topside with Elmer’s Glue yesterday.
                I went to work from 1PM to 9PM today.  I’m tired.
                P.S. I went to Shevlin Sawdust days today. It was really cool. I got to see people run on logs.

July 18, 1999 Age 14 I went to work at 9AM this morning.
                My mom picked me up from work at 5PM.  Adam, Mom and I went to Dairy Land after that.  Then mom dripped Adam off at home and then took me to the High School and taught me how to drive.  Then she took me out on a country road and let me drive.

July 19, 1999 Age 14 I had classes this morning and then Sunshine came over at noon and we made chore lists.
                Adam mom and I had a small fight today.  Adam + Me against Mom.  We settled it.

July 20, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, I went to school this morning.  I wish the boy’s would stop whistling at me for I know they do not like me that way.
                Adam and I went to the beach today. He told me he wants to learn about Christianity.  I told him the best I could about Jesus’s death and what that meant.

July 21, 1999 Age 14 I spent all day in my room reading Barbra Cartland novels.  Now I have that feeling of my body wanting love for itself.  I know I’m too young for a boyfriend yet I still want one.

July 22, 1999 Age 14 I went to class this morning.  I knew I should not read romance novels because this morning George and I were the first ones there and I started to like him.  But I know it is only hormones.
                I went to Bemidji for an appointment with Marie today only to find out it was supposed to be yesterday.
                Today Adam told me he was now a Christian but what he told me what he thought that meant I found he is completely wrong in his ideas.

July 23, 1999 Age 14 Today was the last day of summer classes.  I have a wrap up on August 3rd.  I won a deck of cards, a Boggle game, pickup sticks, and a watermelon at the drawing.
                Adam, Mom and I took off for South Dakota after my classes.  We came to pick Sam up. My cousins Emma and Ali are so big now.  Ali can talk and she does not even notice the problem on her left hand.  Sam is so big.

July 24, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, Adam, Sam, Emma, Ali, Martha and I went swimming at Loral Oaks in Souix Falls.  Sam was sad that Blake, the boy she had a crush on couldn’t come swimming with us. 
                It was fun.  There was a big water slide and some little ones for kids.  
                I found out today that my Aunt Martha could suck her lip up to her nose.  She calls it her built in nose plug.
                After supper uncle Edmund took us to Giggle Bees.  An arcade restaurant. It was fun.

July 25, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, we left Aunt Martha’s today.  We visited Uncle Bruce on the way to Gorden.  He is so strong and kind.
                We drove almost all day.  We arrived in Gorden about 5:30PM.  Today was the first time I had seen Sarena in years. The last time we saw each other we were 3 or 4.  We went rafting on a river by their house.  I’m spending the night with Sarena at a friend’s house.

July 26, 1999 Age 14 I’m so sad.  I had such a fun time with Sarena and her friends.  I also found out that she is left handed like me. We are so much alike.
                We went with her and dropped her off at her job.  She works at Subway.  We left Dorthy’s today and we went to Wisconsin to meet our second cousins.  One of them was a 30 year old Panama and European man.  He gave us money from Panama and shark teeth.  He had a sister but I cant remember her name or age.  She’s cool too.  Their mom’s name is Janet.

July 27, 1999 Age 14 We spent the night at Grandma Birdies in Wait Park where we played games with her grandkids this morning.
                Mom took Sam, Adam and me to Talahi, our old elementary school in Saint cloud.  Then we went to Wilson Park and we all got in a fight.  We made up though.
                Leslie came over at 8:00PM.  I didn’t know she was coming.  I’m going to her house tomorrow.  I’m tired.

July 28, 1999 Age 14  I got up at 9:30AM this morning and went to Leslie’s house. We practiced the songs we are going to play on August 1st and then we cleaned the house, drank tea and baked cookies.
                Then I went to work from 2PM to 9PM.

July 29, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, Sunshine picked me up at 9:00AM this morning.  We went for a ride around town.  We watched Adam and Sam swim when they couldn’t see us.
                Annakin met Sunshine and I at this one place and we bought a five gallon pale of white paint for the kitchen.  I painted for a little while today.
                I had to work from 1PM to 9PM.

July 30, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, this morning I woke up to the shouts of Shane waking me up. He was his usual hyper self.
                I rented I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. Shane, Adam, Sam and I watched it.
                I was a half an hour late for work because I wanted to see the end.  I told my boss that my sister had heat stroke and I had to wait until my mother got home so that I could leave.  Dad and Dan are coming over tonight.

July 31, 1999 Age 14 David and Dad are here.  They slept in the living room. Dan went with me to cash my check and then I went to work from 1PM to 9PM.
                Dan, the jerk, wouldn’t let us rent a movie when I got home.  Even though mom said we could.  They are in Bemidji.  Shane, Adam and Sam are sleeping outside.

August 1, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, I don’t have work.  I wore my new dress to church today.
                I hate dad.  He was packing up to leave tonight so I went outside and confronted him about the affair thing and he said it wasn’t true.  He hit my face and shove me down for asking him about it.
Well later tonight mom came storming up the stairs saying I called dad a liar and won’t believe me. She shoved me into the door and now my arm hurts when I move it.

August 2, 1999 Age 14 I’m grounded for something I did not know.  I’ve been in my room all day.  I peed in a Coke Can because I am not allowed downstairs to use the bathroom. It feels like the old times are coming back. Goodnight.

August 3, 1999 Age 14 I went to the last day of skills classes.  When I got home I found they had forgotten to leave the door unlocked for me so I was locked out.
                I went down town and bought myself lunch.  Then I bought Sam a sweater and a statue of a girl with the number 11 on a cake.  I bought a Pokémon ball.
                Mom still doesn’t believe me.

August 4, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, Adam, Sam and I went to the fair today.  We went on most of the rides and I did the rock wall climb six times.  I paid for Sam to climb the wall too.
                A girl named Tiffany is spending the night because she doesn’t want to ride home with her mom’s boyfriend because he was drunk.

August 5, 1999 Age 14 Mom and I wen’t to see Dr. G today.  We finally solved the problem of me asking dad about the affair.
                Shane, Adam, Sam and I were sleeping outside tonight.  We went spying on the people on our block but I got sick and had to come inside.

August 6, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, I don’t have much to write.  Because I was so sick from last night I slept until 12:22PM.  Then I went to work from 3PM to 9PM.

August 12, 1999 Age 14 Leslie and I went to Valley Fair with her church today. It was so much fun.  We went on all the roller coasters. We went on the Wild Thing three times. It was my first time on a roller coaster.

August 17, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, I’m sorry I haven’t written for so long.  I’ve just been so busy.
                I saw Marie in Bemidji today.  I feel better about a lot of the troubles going on.
                See ya.

August 19, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, Mom Adam and I got in a fight today.  Adamand I rode our bikes all the way out to Mitch and Jene’s.

August 20, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, Annakin came over today to solve the problem.  After we got done talking Tempest’s grandma showed up.  Tempest is in the hospital because she stepped on a nail.  She got blood poisoning.  I went over to see her and walked home.

August 21, 1999 Age 14 Not much happened today. I went to see Tempest at 12:00PM.  I saw her next door hospital mate.   I went to work at 1:00PM and got done at 9:00PM.  I saw Tempest after work.

August 22, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, I worked from 9:00AM to 5:00PM.   Then I went over to Vivians (a lady from church) she is nice. We practiced the songs I’m going to sing at Greens View.  Mom and I sang in the living room tonight.

August 29, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, today was the last day of work. I can’t believe it.
                They threw a surprise party for me.  We sang into microphones and they gave me a card signed by them all.

September 1, 1999 Age 14 Dear Diary, Today was the first day of school.  It’s so different in 8th grade.  More is expected of us.
                I don’t even feel like school started.

At this point my diary entries end and pick up again when I am in my third foster home. My memories of this time are 21 years old, but I will try to fill in the gaps as best I can.

8th Grade started out well. I remember becoming friends with some of the girls who has previously teased me.

For homecoming, I solo danced to “Hit Me Baby One More Time” in front of the entire school.

I was in the school play again. My crush on that boy Corey Continued.

We were learning about sex in school and I had asked my mom if she ever had sex before she was married. She punched me in the stomach and slapped my face for asking her.

I threw a surprise birthday party for my friends Leslie and Tammy at my house. My birth mom had given permission for this, but then changed her mind once everyone was there. This erupted in a large fight and I was placed in respite care for a weekend.

On the night before Thanksgiving, my mother and I got in a big fight over something. I don’t remember what anymore. She shoved me on the floor and attempted to strangle me with the phone chord from the telephone. I didn’t die and my sister Sam called the police. My birth mom made up some story about self defense and I was placed in foster care again.

This instance was the second time in my life she attempted to kill me by strangulation. The first time I was 9 years old, rollerskating in the basement. She made a noose with a rope hanging from the basement clothesline. She put it around my neck and kicked my legs out from under me. Because of the Roller Skates I couldn’t fully get up, but enough of my body was on the floor that I didn’t strangle. If I remember correctly the rope broke or untied.

Published by lifefromtheashes5332

Hi, I’m Elizabeth. I am a wife, mother, gardener, adjunct professor, philosopher, former foster child, former homeless adult and Master in Social Work. My website covers all the things listed above!

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